How to Survive Horror Movie

"Don't be afraid: no vampire, zombie horde, cannibal hillbilly, Japanese vengeance ghost, or other horror movie monster can hurt you... as long as you have this book. Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in an abandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everything is poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? If the answer is yes, you're probably trapped in a horror movie. But don't freak out. Just read this book, which reveals how to overcome every obstacle found in scary films. "