Fruit Ninja and Jetpack Joyride

"Based on the BILLION-times-downloaded game! The FRUIT NINJAS have mastered the art of Juice Jitsu (no, really!) which unlocks hidden powers through the slicing of fruit (seriously) so they can protect their neighbors from time-traveling super-villains! (still with us?) PLUS: An ANCIENT FRUIT NINJAS tale from a thousand years ago, featuring a PIG and a PEACH! PLUS PLUS: A JETPACK JOYRIDE tale featuring a dude with a jetpack battling flying hippos with buttercream-based weaponry! HOW did we fit ALL this ridiculously amazingly dumb stuff into ONE volume? PAY MONEY TO FIND OUT!"